Public humiliation

Ape #1: "Mom, while we are at the mall today, can you pretend to be my cool older sister instead of my mom?"

Me: "But everyone who knows you will know that I'm your mom and not your sister."

Ape #1: "I know. It's all the people that I don't know. I'll be to embarrassed to be seen at the mall with my MOM."

Me: "But how will they know that I'm your sister? Should I wear a nametag?"

Ape #1: "Hmm. I wonder why I might be embarrassed to be with my mom."

Note: I blew our cover in the first store when I stated that my daughter needed a dressing room. So uncool.

Clean-up

Me: Hey. I love you (said while tickling the armpit of the youngest ape).

Ape #2: Love you, too (said while tickling MY armpit).

Ape #1: Ooh, Mom, I love you too (said while aggressively tickling my armpit).

Me: Hey. Children. This is a grocery store. A no-tickling zone (said while tickling Ape #1).

(more tickling ensues while en route to the bulk foods aisle)

Me: Here. Hold this like a baby, your little sugar baby (handing Ape #2 a bag of sugar). And, this is your flour baby (given to Ape #1).

Ape #1: Mom, half the sugar baby is on the floor.

Ape #2: Sugar baby can't stand on his head.

Me: Clean-up in aisle bulk.